Monday, February 25

Acceptance Speech


Dust Road's Acceptance Speech for the Most Over-Produced Victorian Epic Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly act! I feel so horny! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have fantasized that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other suck-ass nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your crushing defeat makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how unaesthetic my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special

You know, there are so many star-fucking exploitative agents to thank! First off though, I want to rim the self-congratulatory circle jerks of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my contract negotiations. And to the People Under the Stairs, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the Producers I slept with - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

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The Winner Is - Mychael Danna/DeVotchKa

7 comments:

sandman_gr said...

Πού το βρήκες ρε όργιο? Απίθανο είναι. Πάρε λοιπόν:

Sandman's Acceptance Speech for the Stupendous Animal Costume Design Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so Yul Brunner! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest AA meetings, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your jealosy makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was a God on Earth, I just had to take a Carnival Cruise and laugh about how freakish my experiences have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap

You know, there are so many blood-sucking Napoleon Complex-suffering studio execs to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Gilgamesh, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the People Under the Stairs, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

elafini said...

α ρε ψώνια !!! :PPP

elafini said...

(παρεπιπτόντως, έχω ένα oscar σπίτι μου )

gone4sure said...

Xaxaxaxaxa
Ακόμα γελάω σαν ηλίθιος...

Gone4sure's Acceptance Speech for the Best Supporting Actron Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly act! I feel so horny! And this statue - it's so full of chocolate! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest pool parties, I never would have made daddy promise that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your fake smiles makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was n't blonde enough, I just had to take a minute and obsess about how freakish my thighs have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap

You know, there are so many star-fucking two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to rim the esteemed idiots of the Academy, who looked deep within their cold, black hearts before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank my guru, for being such a powerful force in my kitchen. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

Dust Road said...

@sandman, gone4sure: eimaste toso petiximenoi kai vravefmenoi...

@elafini: zileveis :p

enteka said...

lol, teleio!!

sandman_gr said...

Eimaste tromara mas!!!! Psonares!

(Me emfasi sto PSSSSSSSS)